8/2/07 7:00 a.m.
A couple pictures to go along with Shelly's blog about our day marking the anniversary of losing baby Ava. She's forever our precious baby...
The first picture is of all the kids on Grandma's front porch with the ankle bracelets they made with Ava's name on them. The second picture is of our balloon release at the cemetery. The third picture is of the kids at Ava's headstone.
The memories of two years ago are strong in our minds and hearts the last few days. All I could think about yesterday morning was that two years ago we were all still a "normal" family, going about the business of living our lives without any idea of the pain the next years would hold for us. Or the reality of a God who would never leave us alone in the pain. I, personally, have had to make a conscious choice to continue to follow that God. Through days (actually mostly nights) of questioning and anger and wondering, I've looked at all sides and angles and possibilities, and have decided that although I don't understand God's part in all of this (and as ruler of the universe he must have a part in it), I will continue to follow him and continue to trust him. The alternatives are just too too nothing, void, blank, dark. I can't think of a totally appropriate word for what I see when I look at the alternatives to continuing to walk with God, but they are not something I want any part of. So, I continue to seek him, in good days and bad, in the joys and the sorrow of life.
Jean Syswerda
Shelly's mom
Ava's Grandma
