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"For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."

We had a fun night tonight. We went to Brad and Sarah's house and had a cook out with numerous people from church. We have made such great friends since we moved to Grand Rapids a little over 3 years ago. Looking back, I don't know how we would have made it through the last three years without the support, prayer and love of our church family.  There was a little girl there tonight whose name is Ava. Crazy thing is- they are the family that rent our past house from us while it is for sale. She stays in the bedroom where our little Ava stayed. Two Ava's, one room. 

Josh and I play this sick little game of what we would give to get back to July 31, 2005.  This is the day before Ava died.  This  game also includes Josh not being hurt.  We realize that we would give up any earthly possession to get back the life we had then.  Funny thing is, we're not given this choice. Nothing I can do or say can make time turn back.  The other "funny" thing is, I'm not sure I'd go back if it meant having to be the person I was then.  I'm not sure I'd recognize who I was then, nor really like her. I was much more concerned with what people thought, especially what they thought of me. I now am mainly concerned with what God thinks of me.  Who am I really out to please?  Did all of this happen so that God could make me more like his Son? I surely don't like the situation I'm in, but  I am  trying to trust God, knowing he knows best.

Thank you for all your responses in regards to my feeling depressed. Yes, I realize meds can be a huge help.  Yes, I realize exercise is a huge release. As of right now, I am working at them both. I take the kids to the YMCA 5 mornings a week to work off some stress. It works well with our schedule.  I take off while Josh's caretaker is getting him ready for the day.  I get home right about when he is getting out of our bedroom; just in time to share a cup of coffee together.  Please continue to pray for me.  I do not want to be a discouragement to my family or friends.  I just want to feel some normal... I long for normalcy.

 

Print | posted @ Wednesday, July 09, 2008 10:26 PM

Comments on this entry:

Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by Michelle at 7/10/2008 1:06 AM
Shelly,

I appreciate your openess about your struggles in this blog. Even as I sit here in the middle of the night with my own struggles, I find comfort knowing we serve a faithful God. I just had to tell you how much this last entry reminds me of a song by MercyMe entitled "Bring the Rain." I'm sure you have heard it, probably even own it...but just incase, Google the words, remembering His will for our lives. Just like you guys will, I'm going to know the answers to it all someday...but for now I draw close. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by Gina at 7/10/2008 8:36 AM
There are day when I read your blog and I receive encouragement I didn’t even know I needed. We have never met and yet you have been an open book. You ability to pour out your heart is amazing. So many of us women hold it all inside because we see our struggles as weaknesses. Through your blog I have learned that when we let go and open up God uses our situations to show His love and mercy. Life is not all smiles there are going to be hard times. Depending on God and His people is the only way to get through it. You are an incredible wife, mother and women simple because that is who God has created you to be and you have accepted the call. I am not sure if your family will ever know how many lives that you have touched but I wanted to let you know that I was one of them. Our God is Faithful!
Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by Sarah at 7/10/2008 10:53 AM
Please know your feelings are validated!!! No one expects you to be able to do it all. We're not superwoman and all of us mom's go through this,some alot more than others. You have a heavy load on your shoulders. Know it's a season in your life and God will see you through this. He is always faithful. Your family has blessed me beyond words.

Todd Smith from Selah,actually his wife Angie, has a blog that is beyond amazing giving all the Glory to God. They are an incredible family who have gone through losing an infant child recently themselves. They recently recorded a new song you might like. When you have a while (ha) sit down with a big cup of coffee & a box of kleenex & read through her past postings and learn more about about God :)
Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by Clarissa Viening-Butler at 7/11/2008 3:40 PM
Shelly,
I've been thinking of you and Josh, a lot, lately and wondering how you and the kids are doing. It sounds like this continues to be a difficult process for you guys, but one you're moving through with incredible dignity and strength. I miss you guys. You're still in my heart and your' story continues to inspire me. Love to your babies and to Josh!
Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by Julie McComiskey at 7/21/2008 2:28 PM
I was just writing to say that I was at camp to hear Josh speak on July 13th. I was just wanted to say thanks for him sharing because I was able to identify with a lot of what he had to say. We lost our child on Sept 16th, 2006, he was 16 mnths old, I was in the accident that he died in and I was severely burned. Ava and my son were born around the same time. My son was born May 10, 2005. SO I was totally able to see where Josh was coming from and I totally appreciated his heart. I have been keeping up with your blog through a friend at church and I have to say that what you write on here is a encouragement to me because I have a lot of the same questions that you have about losing a child and I had identify a lot about where you are coming from. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family will be in my prayers with everything that you guys are going through.

May God Bless you and your family.
Gravatar # re: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You..."
by kristie shackelford, Sunny SD at 7/23/2008 3:50 AM
Shelly! Girl. You are amazing. All I can say is I keep praying for you. Keep moving forward...I am in disbelief that you would even entertain the idea that you are inadequate as all of us are in constant amazement of you and your strength and grace. Don't listen to the Enemy's lies. You are a Child of God and you are LOVED. Much love and prayers...

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